


Elf!Odyssey

by ysse_writes



Category: Backstreet Boys, Lord of the Rings (2001 2002 2003), NSYNC, Popslash
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe - Movie Fusion, Crossover, M/M, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-14
Updated: 2011-09-14
Packaged: 2017-10-23 18:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/253215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ysse_writes/pseuds/ysse_writes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>LOTR/*NSYNC crossover. No, really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Elf!Odyssey

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimers: Don’t own any of the Tolkien characters and situations, don’t know any of the *NSYNC members. All made up, especially the part about Legolas, obviously. No profit made, no harm meant, only much love and the hope for a few laughs.
> 
> Warning and Author’s Notes:*NSYNC/LOTR crossover. Does this count as an AU? I’m not sure. Rated R for language and adult situations. RPS and slash. Here be romantic relationships of the male/male persuasion. Don’t like, don’t read, don’t say you weren’t warned. Lance/Chris, Legolas/ Chris and various other minor would-be pairings. Unbetaed, because I was too embarrassed to send it off to anyone. It was only going to be a short semi-silly thing, and somehow it turned into this; a not-so-short sort-of-stupid thing. Evil forces were at work, I tell you! Also, me have not read the books in more than two decades *coughIwasaninfantcough* and I’m too lazy to read them again or do any sort of research. Looking for canon and continuity and serious literature? Look elsewhere, dude. I twisted and manipulated everything for my own nefarious purposes. Oh, and OOC warnings for Legolas, too. I know he should be more reserved, but hey, I imagine he’s mellowed through the years. ::g::
> 
> Please don’t use, forward, or archive without permission.

Another 16-hour day, another kick-ass concert and the members of the group called *NSYNC were eager to call it a night. Heady thoughts propelled them, of peaceful rest, safe and protected from the chaos of the world outside by high walls and loyal, competent security personnel.

But even Sexual Chocolate would be no use against the mayhem that would be unleashed this night.

 

Joey grinned as he made his way to Chris and Justin's suite. Chris had crashed into his and Lance's room a few minutes earlier, leering, and Joey was smart enough to get away when he still could. If he was lucky Justin would be working on some songs with JC and he'd have the room to himself.

But then Justin screamed. Like a girl, actually, which meant that he was genuinely frightened, not merely angry or startled.

Lonnie and his guys were there instantly, telling Joey to step back, but Joey had already opened the door.

"What the fuck?"

There, in the middle of their suite, were seven strangers. They appeared to be extras from a Robin Hood movie, Merry Men in costume, complete with bows and arrows. Only, said bows and arrows were all realistically nasty-looking and they were all primed and aimed at Justin.

Justin screamed again.

One intruder, seemingly their leader, rattled off a series of sounds that made no sense to anyone in the room. He seemed annoyed. When Justin opened his mouth to scream again his eyebrow, and his fingers, twitched.

"I don't think you should scream again, J," Joey murmured. "It seems to irritate them." He looked at the leader again, a slight young man with long silver-gold and bright blue eyes. Actually, they were all slight young men with silver gold-hair and bright blue eyes. And there seemed to be something wrong with their ears. "Ummm… Could you repeat that in English? Umm, American?"

"I said move and he dies," the leader said, in precise, yet oddly musical, English. He had an odd accent that Joey couldn't place. "We have come for the one called Kirkpatrick. Tell us where—"

JC arrived, followed closely by Chris and Lance, their clothes in disarray, obviously hastily pulled on. "Hey, guys, what's all the commotion?" Chris asked. "Did a—" He stopped at the sight of the intruders. "What the— Legolas?"

In one easy motion the leader replaced the arrow in his quiver and slung back his bow. He approached Chris. Lonnie and Big Mike moved to protect Chris but the remaining intruders followed their every movement with their sighted arrows.

Chris sighed, waving their bodyguards off. "It's okay, guys, I sort of know these, umm, people." He looked at the person he called Legolas. "And you, call your warriors off, you're not hurting any of my friends."

Legolas smiled, grabbed Chris' hand and kissed it gallantly. "Of course not, my love. I would not dream of such a thing."

The rest of the 'warriors' put away their weapons and went down on one knee, bowing their heads. "As you wish, my lord," they said, in unison.

"My lord?" JC repeated, blinking.

"My _love_?" Lance asked, raising an eyebrow.

Chris sighed again. "Uh, guys?" he said, sounding sheepish, "there's this, uh, thing I might have forgotten to tell you about me."

 

Lance called Johnny but their manager had merely hung up on them when Lance had tried to explain the situation, convinced it was the latest in a long line of pranks. Lance glared at Chris and Justin, muttering something about crying wolf and the difficulty of finding good help. Chris had made the members of Sexual Chocolate leave, vouching for the group's safety, then ordered organic salads from room service. His 'friends' had traveled a long way, after all.

Justin and Joey sat in one corner of the suite, eyeing the clustered strangers who were all stiff and alert, as if expecting attack at any moment. All but one. The last one was gazing at JC with an awed, almost lovesick expression. JC had shown no fear of the intruders, only bright-eyed interest. At the moment JC seemed to be in a deep discussion with said Elf about the broach holding his cloak fast at the throat.

"It's pretty," JC said. "I've never seen such an intricate design. And you say it won't tarnish? Like ever? Forever and ever? Even if I, I mean you, wear it in the rain?"

"You know," Lance said, "you've said it half a dozen times but I'm sure I'm still not hearing it right. Tell me again. These guys are what? And you're _who_?"

"We are Elves. And he is Lord Calmcacil, heir of Elrond, Lord of Rivendell," repeated Legolas, helpfully.

"Actually, I'm a Half-Elf," corrected Chris. "Or maybe a sixteenthousandth of one, I'm not really sure. Remember that interview when I said I had a little bit of everything? Well, there you go. They showed me this genealogy chart. Anyway, generally, the term Half-Elf suffices, not matter how diluted. There are quite a few of us running around, actually. But see, the thing is, they tell me I'm a direct descendant of this Elrond guy, and apparently that makes me—"

"The heir of Rivendell," said Legolas, again taking Chris' hand, "and my betrothed."

"His what?" growled Lance, glaring at them both.

Chris tugged his hand away from Legolas' grasp. "Uh, yeah, about that…"

"I'm not buying any of this," Lance said. "I'm with Johnny, this is one huge lame-ass joke, very well executed, mind you, but still lame. I don't know what you're trying to do here, Chris, but I'm not amused. And you, elf boy, stop fondling my boyfriend!"

Legolas drew his bow at Lance once more.

"Legolas," Chris said, exasperatedly. "I told you, put that bow away! You're not going to skewer Lance. Or anyone else, for that matter."

"But my love," Legolas protested, offended, "this human is challenging my claim. Of course, I understand these dalliances, humans can be amusing in their own way, I myself have been known to dally with a few, but—"

"Is he speaking of Lord Aragorn?" One of the Elves asked his companion in a whisper. "They did seem awfully chummy in Lothlórien."

"I must confess," said another, "seeing the new Lord here sheds a bit more light on all those rumors about his relationship with Gimli, son of Gloin. The Prince of Mirkwood does seem to go for the short ones, doesn't he?"

"Oh, please, not the one about the Halflings again," a third one chimed in. "That is just _wrong_."

"Dude, that one keeps staring at me," Justin whispered back to Joey, pointing to the Elf standing at Legolas' right. "It's creepy."

"Oh, Gildor?" JC said. "I asked Armon about that. It's because you kinda look like him." JC pointed to Legolas. "And Gildor's had a crush on him for about four or so millennia. Plus, Armon says you look easy."

"Dude, the fuck? I do _not_ look like elf boy over there." Justin glared at Legolas. "I don't."

"You do look easy though," Joey agreed. Justin whapped him on the head. "You know," Joey said, "that might explain the time Chris called you snookums and wanted you to straighten your hair and grow it longer."

"—you must remember the Prophecy, my love."

"I remember the prophecy, okay?" Chris answered. "Hell, you made me read enough scrolls about the damn thing."

"I'm sorry, my love, but you had to be prepared for—"

"Look, can you stop with the my love thing?" demanded Lance, "because you are seriously pissing me off."

"—what you may have to face," Legolas continued, ignoring Lance. "Our seers have reported stirrings. The Dark Lord—"

"Okay. I know all that, okay? But…" He looked at Lance, helplessly. "That was before... Also, I thought I had more time."

"We told you, my love, when we came to you on your 21st year—"

"I was 19!"

"Elf years, my love. We told you you had to return to us by your 35th year."

"I'm only— Let me guess, Elf years?"

"Yes. It is time for you to return and claim your throne."

"Wait," Joey interjected. "I'm still lost on the whole Elf thing. How the hell can you be an Elf, or a Half-Elf, as the case may be?" Joey asked. "You're from freaking Pennsylvania!"

"Come now," scoffed Legolas, waving his hand expressively. "Surely you can not be that untaught? Surely Man can not have forgotten our shared History, the Alliance of Man and Elf? You only have to look to your legends. Have you never questioned why he looks so much younger than his years? Why animals and children adore him? Why locked doors can not keep him out?"

"Dude, I thought that was witches," whispered Justin to Joey.

"Well, now that you mention it…" Joey nodded. "It does sort of make sense. I mean, pinpoint accuracy with a rubber band? That's not really normal, is it? And the way he can climb up _anything_."

"And the way he can sneak up on anyone, even Lonnie, without them hearing him!" added Justin. "I swear, I thought Anthony was going to have a heart attack when Chris jumped him last week."

"And how he always manages to ditch Big Mike when he wants to," Joey said.

"And those braids, right?" JC asked, fingering one of his new Elf-friend's braids while the Armon looked flustered and pleased. "He kept insisting they were the height of fashion but none of us believed him."

"But, wait," Justin frowned, "does this mean the horns, too?"

"No way, man, full Elves don't even have facial hair," JC said. "Or so Armon here says. He thinks it may have had something to do with dwarves."

Chris grinned. "I was hoping I could grow it long enough to braid," he admitted. "Those were cool, man. But Melinda threw a fit."

"And, of course," Legolas added, "there is his voice. Surely you did not believe that his voice—"

"What about his deprived childhood?" interjected Lance, angrily. "How does that fit in with this Lord of Rivendell shit? You let your future king or whatever grow up hungry?"

Legolas glared at Lance. "The Council—"

Chris was already shaking his head. "No, Lance, they already explained all that to me. And the truth is I still would have done it this way. I wish it been easier on Mom and my sisters, yeah, but… This is my life, you know? And they let me live it. And when they came to me, when they explained..."

"And when exactly did this happen?" Lance demanded.

"Umm… Remember those years I was supposed to be going to college in Valencia? That wasn't where I was, exactly."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, uhh..."

Legolas smiled. "He was with the Elves, getting his Elvish education, getting to know about his heritage, his destiny."

Joey became even more confused. "But... You went to school with Howie. Dude, we have pictures!"

"Well, I _did_ go to school with Howie. Only..."

"Don't tell me," interjected Lance, snidely. "He's an Elf, too?"

Chris nodded. "Anyway, the place where we were? I can't tell very much about it but really was a school, sort of, but... Dude, why do you think my father insisted I 'go to Florida' for college?" Chris said, making air quotes. "Out of the blue, all of a sudden? None of you ever wondered about that?"

"Well, you never wanted to talk about it," pouted Justin.

"Anyway, while I was there, Legolas was...with me."

" _With_ you?" Lance scowled at Legolas, who smirked back.

"I decided that it would be the perfect time to become acquainted with my future mate," Legolas continued, again reaching for Chris's hand. Chris hid it behind his back, glancing worriedly at Lance. "We spent many happy days together, talking, communing with Nature."

"Oh, is that how they say boinking in Elvish?" smirked Justin, then 'eeped' as Lance growled at him.

"We decided we would suit each other very well, indeed," finished Legolas, "and the arrangements were made. And now, he is of age, and the time has come for him to return to Rivendell."

"See," Chris said to Legolas, "this wouldn't have happened if you'd made the timeline clear in the beginning. I'm starting to think that Elves don't really live forever, they just count years differently. You said 35, I thought you meant _my_ 35."

"So it's true," Lance said, grimly. "You did agree to... marry... this joker."

"Well, the actual betrothal was a long time ago. Ages ago, before I was born, I believe. It's kind of... tradition. The Heir of Rivendell and the Prince of Mirkwood, or something like that. But see, there hasn't been an heir in a very long time. They hadn't needed one. Only, there's this prophecy."

"Of course," Lance said, dryly. "Isn't there always? Did you have to pull a sword out of a rock, or something?"

Chris ignored his sarcasm. He turned to Legolas. "How did it go again?"

Legolas spouted a string of indecipherable words.

"In English!" Lance snapped.

"When Mordor wakes, only Rivendell can make it sleep." Legolas smirked again. "A loose translation. Your language is so awkward."

"And this is why you have to go with these people to wherever the hell it is? Because of some lame-ass prophecy that doesn't make any sense?"

"It makes sense," Chris insisted. "I studied the histories, man. This Dark Lord? Very bad mojo. Nearly destroyed the world once, all because of a stupid ring."

"Uh, it was a bit more complicated than that, my love," Legolas interjected.

"Stop calling him my love!" screamed Lance.

Chris blinked. "Anyway," he continued, "if the Dark Lord really is back…"

"You're not going anywhere," Lance growled. "You're _not_."

"I'm really sorry about this," Chris said, quietly. "I was going to tell you all, I was. I just thought... I thought I had more time."

"So you're supposed to be this warrior king?" questioned Justin. "Sorry, dude, but I'm not seeing it."

Chris glared at him, insulted. Legolas patted his hand soothingly. "We've only had time to train him in the most rudimentary maneuvers," he said, "but he showed great promise. However, more than his martial prowess, we need his wisdom—"

Lance snorted. Justin and Joey tried not to snicker.

"—and his leadership. We have no lack for warriors. What Rivendell needs is her King."

"Chris," JC said. "You can't be seriously considering going with these people? What about the group? What about...?" They all looked at Lance, who was still glowering as only a pissed-off Lance could glower. "Dude, you can't."

Chris sighed. "Look, guys, can you all give us some time to ourselves? I need to talk to Lance."

 

They went back to Lance's room. He and Chris sat on the bed awkwardly, Chris smoothing the rumpled bed sheet with his hand, wishing wistfully that Legolas had arrived a few hours later. A last night with Lance would have been nice.

"So you were just never going to tell me?" Lance asked, quietly, grimly, finally breaking the silence. "You were just going to disappear and leave all of us? And no one was going to miss you or wonder where you were, if you were alive or dead, safe or happy?"

Chris shrugged. "I thought I had more time," he said again. "The best-laid plans, yadda yadda. I thought we'd get to do a few more albums. Maybe a couple more tours. Then I was going to quit, you know? Break up the band, break up with you, tell everyone I was going away on a long extended journey, et cetera... Fade into the West, and whatever."

"And me," Lance said. "You were just going to leave me behind?"

Chris laughed, humorlessly. "That was the plan, yes." He sighed again. "You have to understand, Lance. It was... I didn't even know you then. And you have to admit, Legolas is hot. Plus, he was wonderful to me. It seemed like a good thing, you know? Also, growing up... You've heard this story a million times. I was this poor dumb kid, but I always felt there was something in me. Something I was meant to be. Something big. So when they came, I thought that was it. I thought Rivendell was amazing. I thought Legolas was it. I had no idea, Lance. That someday, I'd be part of this. *NSYNC. I had no idea someday I'd find you."

"Your life is here," Lance's voice was as immovable as a mountain. "With us."

"I know," Chris agreed, leaning his head against Lance's shoulder. "See, when I came back here, I knew I had to do this, get a group together, give the music a chance. This was going to be my legend here, you know? If the rest of my life was going to be about war, I wanted the time I had here to be the furthest thing away from that. I was going to follow my dreams. Find a way to take care of my family, keep them safe. I was going to be so happy I could leave it all and not regret a single damn thing. So I put together this group. And it surprised even me. It's everything, man, it gave me everything. And then there was you, and the guys, and I knew it was going to hurt a lot more than I'd ever imagined. But see, I made promises to you guys, back then, and I like to think I've delivered. I did what I set out to do here. Those guys out there? I made promises to them, too. And now it's their turn. Now _they_ need me. It's not Legolas I'm returning there for, baby, although yeah, I'm glad I won't have to do it alone. I'm not used to being alone anymore. And Justin's right, what do I know about being a King or a warrior or whatever? I'm scared shitless here. But they tell me if I don't do this bad shit could happen. To my family. To you guys. Hell, to this entire planet. And if you think I can just ignore that, no matter how scared I am, no matter how much I'd rather stay—"

"You're not leaving," Lance repeated. "I don't care what happens, you're not leaving."

"Lance, I—" Chris chuckled softly. He reached for Lance, wrapping his arms around him. "You are the stubbornest thing, aren't you?" He began humming, then began to sing softly.

Lance closed his eyes and settled into the familiar curve of Chris' arms. It was a familiar song, despite its strange foreign words, calming and soothing. "You're not leaving," he said again. "You're staying right here."

"Shhh, baby," Chris murmured, holding Lance more tightly. "It's okay. Just relax. Listen to the song." A few moments later Lance was a dead weight in his arms, soundly asleep. The sleep spell had come in handy many times before, when Lance was too wired up or too tense to really rest, but Chris had never before been more grateful that his Elven tutor had taught him this in addition to a few basic spells.

He laid Lance on the bed, brushing a kiss against the sleeping man's forehead. Lance would sleep till sunrise, or until someone came to wake him. Chris would be long gone by then, and Lance would be mad, but there wouldn't be anything he could do. "I'm sorry, baby," Chris said. "Love you."

 

"Wait, you want to give me this?" JC asked Armon, giving him a big hug. "But it's so pretty! And also, you already gave me this pretty broach."

"The light of the Evenstar does not wax or wane," Armon responded, earnestly, almost formally. "It is mine to give, like my—"

"Armon!" Huor, another Elf, hissed, pulling him away from JC. "What are you _doing_?"

Joey laughed. "I swear, if we could bottle up whatever it is that JC has, we wouldn't even need to sing."

"I still don't understand this marriage business," Justin said. "Chris is a guy. And him, Legolas, he's a guy, too, right? So how can they—"

"Oh, you poor child," Gildor exclaimed, grabbing Justin's hands. "Your friends have sadly neglected your education! If you wish, I could demonstrate—"

"He knows all that," scowled Joey, tugging Justin's hands out of Gildor's grip. "Chris and Lance are our best friends, remember? So, dude, hands off the pretty boy."

"What I _mean_ ," Justin explained, "is if Chris is supposed to be the Lord of Rivendell, won't he need, umm, heirs and stuff? And unless your anatomy is a lot different than ours, and that doesn't look to be the case from where I'm standing, what about babies?"

"Oh," Gildor said, looking very disappointed at the clarification. "I assume that our laws are different from yours. Elven marriages are alliances, more political than romantic. We do not hoard wealth or property the way dwarves or dragons or even humans do, and since we are Immortal, our partners have value to us beyond their ability to provide children. We enjoy children, of course, there are few things more beautiful than an Elf child, but our, shall we say, desire to procreate is not as urgent as those of humans."

"So," Justin said, wrinkling his nose. "No sex?"

All the Elves in the room, including Legolas, laughed.

"Perhaps I phrased that wrongly," Gildor smirked. "Tell me, young one, Lord Calmcacil, the one you call Chris, does he not like this... sex?"

Justin entire body turned red.

"And he is only half Elf," Gildor grinned.

The laughter was broken when Chris re-entered the room. "I'm ready to go now," he told Legolas, quietly.

"Dude, where's Lance?" Joey asked.

"He's... he's sleeping," Chris answered, apologetically. "I couldn't think of anything else to do. He just wasn't listening."

"Chris," JC said. "You're not really going, are you?"

"I have to, C," he said. "I'm sorry. Sorry about the group, but you can always find someone else."

"No, we won't," Justin declared. "Don't go, man, we need you."

"I'm sorry, Jup," he said, hugging Justin. " You all take care of each other, okay?" He hugged JC next. "And can you call my Mom? She knows about it, but tell her I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye. I'll try to send her a message when I get settled. I was going to call, but she'll start crying, and... Just keep an eye on her and the girls for me, okay?"

"But..." JC looked like he was about to cry. Justin was already crying. "Aren't you coming back? Even just to visit?"

"Not for a while." He hugged Joey last. "Tell Johnny I'm sorry. And kiss Bree for me. Tell her Uncle Chris loves her. And take care of Lance, tell him I—"

" _No_."

They all looked towards the source of the voice. Lance was standing at the doorway, wide awake, glowering at them all. He'd been glowering all night but this time there was something frightening, almost terrible, about the look in his eyes.

"Lance?" JC squeaked.

"You're not taking Chris."

"Lance, how did you—?" Chris sighed. He supposed it didn't matter. "I'm sorry, Lance, you can't fight destiny. Rivendell needs me and I—"

"Chris, shut up. You're not going anywhere." Something flared in his pale green eyes. "And I dare these tree-huggers to try and take you."

"Err... Lance...?"

"You're not taking Chris," Lance said again.

Legolas pushed Chris behind him, and the other Dark Elves stepped forward, longbows drawn. "He belongs on the throne of Rivendell," Legolas replied. "It is his duty, his destiny. He must accept it or—"

"Or what?" Lance challenged. "The Dark Lord will rise up and destroy the world? Are you sure that's what your stupid scrolls say? Because right about now I'm thinking y'all got it backwards."

He waved his hand and the six Elven bows went up in flames. In a split second the longbows were piles of ashes. To their credit, this did not seem to fluster the warriors. They held their ground, drawing out their knives.

"Dude, you can do that?" Joey asked, impressed. He looked at JC and Justin. "Did you guys know Lance could do that?"

Chris was impressed, too. Wow, he thought. If they'd known Lance could do that they'd have saved hundreds of thousands of dollars on pyros.

"I'm going to say this one more time," Lance said, lowly. " _You. Are. Not. Taking. Chris."_

"I do not wish to kill you," Legolas said, "but I will if I must." He still had his bow and the arrow was pointed straight at Lance's heart. "This is a Lorien bow, a gift from Galadriel herself. No mere sorcerer—"

Lance lifted one eyebrow and Legolas' bow burst into flames as well.

Legolas gasped, and dropped the bow. It didn't turn into a pile of ashes like the others, but flames continued to lick at it. His eyes flew to Lance. "You?" Legolas drew his hunting knife. "You?"

Chris stared wide-eyed at Lance. "Dude, tell me you're not...?"

Lance shrugged. "What, you think only your precious Elrond slept around? So what else did your silly little prophecy say about me?"

"Oh, my God," moaned Chris, holding his head in his hands. "I'm sleeping with the Dark Lord of Mordor!"

In a flash, the Dark Elves had surrounded Chris, protecting him, while Legolas faced Lance with his hunting knife. "Get back, foul demon! You shall not touch him while this body still holds breath."

"Wow," JC said, "talk about barring the barn door after—" He noticed Joey wincing. "What?"

"Dude, you're really not helping," Joey said.

"When you collapsed, right?" Chris asked, excitedly, from within the protective circle of Elves. "That's when you found out? When you were in the hospital? Dude, I _knew_ something about you changed then. At the hearing. You made that lawyer cry, man! An _entertainment_ lawyer, and you made him _cry_!"

Lance ignored him. "Listen, you prissy little pointy-eared freak," he snarled at Legolas. "You think my ancestor went a little overboard with the possessive streak over his stupid Ring? It's nothing compared to what I'm going to do to you if you try and take the man I love away."

"The man you love?" Chris squeaked, still hidden by the Elves.

"Your threats mean nothing to me," sneered Legolas. "You may be the heir of Sauron, but you do not have the power to—"

Lance smiled, a dark and terrible smile. "I don't?" he asked, calmly, almost too calmly, then nodded in the direction of the balcony. "Look out there, why don't you?" he challenged, softly.

Legolas looked at him suspiciously, then moved towards the balcony. "I see nothing," he said.

"Look down."

There, in the streets below, were hundreds, thousands, _tens of thousands_ of people. Legolas' Elven eyes could see that all their eyes were fixated on the balcony he was standing upon.

Lance walked out and stood beside him, and gave a small wave. As one the crowd cheered, screamed, whistled. "Lance!" they shouted, their voices rising in a crescendo. "We love you, Lance!" They screamed Lance's name, their faces ecstatic. Some were swooning in sheer joy. "We want you, Lance!" Many of them carried torches. Still others carried banners declaring their allegiance, bearing the image of Lance's face. "Lance! Lance! Lance! Lance!" Legolas swallowed, feeling a thread of fear climb up his spine. These were no mere followers. These were zealots, fanatics, worshippers, waiting breathlessly for Lance to speak, to command them.

"And look," Lance smirked, waggling his fingers. "No rings."

The gathered crowd screamed louder. They fed off Lance's every movement, every smile.

"What do you think will happen if I throw you down to them?" Lance asked, evenly, coldly. "What do you think they'll do to you if I tell them you're trying to take Chris away from us?"

Legolas could see it in his mind's eye. He would be torn into shreds by the frenzied humans. Nevertheless, he stood his ground. "We defeated you once," he breathed. "The Alliance—"

Lance snorted. "Dude, get over yourself. You seem to be a little slow on the uptake, so I'll grant you a little newsflash. That conquering the world thing? Look out there, elf boy, I've already done it. And without any Rings or wars. You wanna change that?" Lance grinned, showing teeth. "I say bring it on."

Legolas glanced out the balcony again, then his face tightened with grim determination. "We Dark Elves are not afraid of war. I say again, we defeated you once. We are prepared to—

"Okay," Chris said, pushing his way through the circle of Elves and getting in between the two rivals hissing at each other, and pulling them back into the room. "That's enough. All this testosterone is giving me stomach rumbles." Once in, he pulled Lance away from Legolas. "I need to talk to Legolas, okay?" he told Lance. "Alone."

"I'm not leaving you alone with him," Lance growled, still locked in the glaring match with Legolas.

"Baby," Chris said, very quietly, touching Lance's cheek. "It's gonna be okay. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

Lance looked at Chris, stared into calm chocolate brown eyes for what seemed to be a long time. Then, he nodded. When he stepped back, his eyes still held anger, but the fires were banked. "If he's not here when I get back," Lance told Legolas. "I promise you; your little war with my ancestor will seem like a sandbox squabble in kindergarten." Then he left the room.

 

As he waited for Calmcacil to speak, Legolas had to smile at the way his friends were whispering to each other. Obviously, none of them had any notion of Elf hearing. The one called Joey was torn between wanting to follow Lance and 'protecting' the one called Justin from Gildor's attentions. The one called JC had happily gone back to chatting with Armon, but their conversation seemed to have taken a more intimate turn; heads together, hands intertwined. Armon caught his gaze and fidgeted nervously. If Elves could blush Legolas had no doubt the young warrior would now be as red as Gimli's prized rubies.

He sighed. This was a strange turn of events, certainly, but then Men were ever strange creatures. Always stirring up trouble, always managing to inject so much passion, so much emotion, into the littlest thing. So much life, even if it was only for a blink of an eye.

He would miss them all when he returned home, he was sure.

He was an Elf, a Prince of Mirkwood, one of the finest warriors in all of Elvish History. He was cool, unemotional, logical. He had survived many wars, triumphed in many battles. And he'd known he'd lost this battle the moment Calmcacil— no, Christopher, _Chris_ , had touched Lance's cheek.

The heir of Mordor had awakened. Legolas had no doubt that he had faced him here, in this very room. The flames had already been rising in his pale eyes. He had already been smelling the blood he would spill, seeing the destruction he could cause. And yet, all it had taken was one soft touch, one calm word, and he had gone placidly back to sleep.

Lance was right. They had misunderstood.

When the Dark Lord wakes, only Rivendell can make him sleep, he repeated to himself. So simple, he thought. But then, prophets always did have a knack for obscuring Truths beyond recognition.

There had been no need to bring Chris back to Rivendell, after all. Unknown to them all, Chris had already been fulfilling his duty, his destiny.

But...

"I'm sorry," Chris said to him, finally, "but you realize that our joining is out of the question now."

"Tell me you will come with me," Legolas said, quietly, "and I will do whatever it takes—"

"No." Chris shook his head. "It's over, Legolas."

"You are still the heir of Rivendell," Legolas pointed out. "It is still our duty to protect you from—"

"Two totally hot guys are willing to plunge the world into war for my Fine Kirkpatrick Ass?" Chris teased, softly. "I must really be good in bed."

"You made me laugh," Legolas said, earnestly. "You joined in when I sang. It gave me hope. It did not seem such a burden, a life beside you."

Chris laughed. "Dude, here, too. I'm too American to really be happy with the idea of a marriage of convenience, but I met you and it didn't seem so bad. I was glad it was you. But that was before Lance."

Legolas smiled, ruefully. "The Lord of Rivendell and the Dark Lord. I wonder what Gandalf would have thought of it?"

"Hey, the way I hear it, Sauron and Elrond had a few heated moments of their own."

Legolas took Chris's hand, ignoring the group of Elves and Men that were watching from the other side of the room. "I waited for you for so long," he said. "I was happy when we finally found you. I thought... I thought you would be somebody I could spend the twilight of my years with."

"I know," Chris nodded. "We did have good times, didn't we? Hot times. But that was before... I do love him, you know. I just thought..."

"You thought he did not love you?"

Chris nodded again. "And that thing, that foretelling the Elders showed me? Having to outlive everyone I love? It scared the shit out of me. I didn't think I could do it. Stay here and..."

Legolas nodded. "It is the price we pay for loving humans."

"You loved him very much, didn't you?" Chris asked, gently. "I read the scrolls, you know. Heard the stories."

Legolas gave a pained smiled. "Yes. But he was mortal, and too soon he was gone. I had thought Arwen and I at least would remember him together, but... She would not be a part of a world he was no longer in. Gimli stayed with me for some time, but... Then he, too, was gone." Legolas smiled, ruefully. "I had... grown fond of the idea that I would no longer be alone."

"Dude," Chris said. "You can't be living your life like that. Drop this tradition shit and go out there and find someone else."

Legolas raised an eyebrow. "You were willing enough to do the same, once."

"Yeah," Chris agreed. "It would have been a mistake. I'm glad I didn't make it."

"I understand. But my understanding does not ease my loneliness."

"It could still happen," Chris offered. "There's bound to be someone out there for you. JC says Gildor's had a crush on you for a few millennia, how about giving him a chance? Or you could work on my dad, he's a young man still. Got quite a few Elf years left in him. Who knows, he could manage a few more heirs of Rivendell, I bet. And—"

"But it is not going to happen with you?"

Chris shook his head. "No, it's not. I'm sorry."

"It is strange," Legolas smiled, wryly. "I would have thought I'd be accustomed to being jilted by now." He sighed then squared his shoulders and nodded. "I shall tell the Council of your decision."

"Will they be very upset?" Chris asked.

"They will," Legolas grinned. "It will be a treat for them, we have not had a scandal like this in millennia. I think some of them may even have been looking forward to another war. We Elves lead very long, very uneventful lives." He looked to the balcony, where the sky was beginning to turn gray. "It is time we took our leave. We have a long way to travel."

"Safe paths, my friend," Chris said, in Elvish, hugging his ex-fiancée. "Maybe I'll see you around sometime."

"I do not think so, my friend," Legolas returned. "We Elves never leave our forest unless there is great reason to do so. Mine no longer exists, I fear. But I will think of you often." He laughed. "Though Armon may find a reason to visit you in my stead."

"I won't forget you, man," Chris said.

Legolas barked an order to his warriors and they fell into formation, Armon casting one last longing look at JC, who blew him a kiss.

"Dude," Chris said, "I forgot to ask, but how the hell did you even get here? You didn't run all the way, did you?" He shook his head in exasperation. "Wait here, I'll call for a limo. Or three. They'll at least take you back to where your ships are. I don't suppose Elves have gotten friendlier to the idea of airplanes? I know I still hate them."

Legolas inclined his head. "Is this… limo… a large vehicle? We must meet with Fëfalas and his group before continuing on to the ship. I hope he had better luck than I."

"No prob, just tell the driver where—" Chris stopped and stared at Legolas. "Wait, Fëfalas?" Chris asked. "Fëfalas came with you?"

"Who's Fëfalas?" Joey asked.

Chris grinned.

 

Lance stood on his balcony. The police had come and dispersed the crowd and the streets below were now nearly empty.

Chris walked up to him. "You know," Chris said, "that was pretty impressive, what you did. Saruman had to create Uruk-Hai."

"Pity he didn't have access to the Internet." Lance answered, acerbically. "Then he could have just posted an announcement on the JJB."

"And the space thing!" Chris continued. "Man, I finally get it. Looking into some new territory, were you? I guess you weren't kidding when you promised your mom the moon."

"It's a lot farther than I thought," Lance replied, flatly. "But I'll get there."

"Yeah, I know," Chris agreed, smiling to himself. "So, 'the man you love,' huh?"

"I take it back," Lance growled. "I refuse to be in love with someone so stupid and selfish and idiotic and—"

"Yo, first you threaten to destroy the world and now you're insulting me? I was really hoping this declaration of love would be more, you know, romantic. I'm starting to wonder if that's how that war began in the first place. Elrond and Sauron were probably in love, but you know, Sauron was all grumpy to Elrond, and then Isildur had to get in the middle and mess things up, stealing Sauron's pretty engagement ring that he'd been planning to give to Elrond all along. Tragic, really."

Lance just kept glowering. "I'm not laughing. You're not cute. I'm not finding you amusing. I'm _mad_ at you."

"I get that," Chris said. "You know, to be fair, you never told me you were the Dark Lord of Mordor, either, but do you see me throwing a hissy fit about it?"

"You were going to leave us," Lance growled. "Leave me."

Chris shrugged. "I couldn't take you with me. War, man, remember? Also, I kinda didn't want to be here and watch you die. Dude, have we learned nothing from watching Highlander?"

"It's not funny!"

Chris sighed. "No, it's not," he agreed. "I'm sorry."

"Not enough."

"I'll make it up to you."

Lance snorted.

"I _will_ ," Chris insisted. "I'll..." He leaned in and whispered something in Lance's ears.

Lane raised an eyebrow. "You're offering me sexual favors in exchange for my good opinion?"

Chris grinned. "Dude, isn't that how this leman thing works? Doesn't the fact that I'm willing to be the Dark Lord's bitch instead of Lord of Rivendell and consort to a Prince of Mirkwood count for something?"

"Are you doing this just so I won't, you know, destroy the world in my petty jealousy?" Lance demanded.

Chris laughed out loud. "Lance, baby, this is me, remember? I know you. You may be Sauron's heir and all, but you've got a heart wider than the Atlantic. See, this isn't Rivendell fighting Mordor in this room. This is Kirkpatrick in love with Bass, and trying to apologize for acting like, umm, an ass."

Lance's severe expression didn't change, but Chris thought he saw a spark of something in Lance's eyes, nothing like the earlier flames, and his lips twitch slightly.

"You're in love with me." It was a question.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Well, _duh_. I did just give up my kingdom for your sweet tush. That not romantic enough for you?"

"You never said it," Lance pointed out.

"Well, hello, me engaged to someone else over here. And I would have told you sooner or later, I thought I'd have time. Anyway, what's _your_ excuse?"

"You were supposed to say it first," Lance said.

"Really? And where does it say that, in your Lord of Mordor manual?"

Lance glared, crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly.

"Okay, okay," Chris surrendered. "I'm saying it now, okay? I love you. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou."

Lance looked unconvinced.

"Tell you what!" Chris said, brightly. "I'll have it inscribed on a ring! In Elvish! It can say something like One Love To Rule—"

Lance had to laugh. "No rings," he said, pulling Chris into his arms and holding him tightly. "And if you ever, and I mean ever, pull something like that again I'm going to make you very _very_ sorry."

Chris hugged back, grinning into the crook of Lance's neck. "Dude, that wasn't much of a threat when you were just Lance Bass from Mississippi. Now that you're the Dark Lord of Mordor? Still not very impressive, I'm sorry to say. Or should I not say that? It's hard to be impressed when I already know I could have you on your knees and begging in six point nine seconds. Plus, I do have that picture of you in that negligee…"

"I ought to put you over my knee and spank you," Lance growled.

Chris beamed. "See? Sex bribes work every time."

 

Meanwhile, in another hotel not so far away…

"You're a _what_?" Kevin growled.

"And this guy is your _what_?" Nick screeched.

"Oh, dear God above," breathed Brian. "How do we explain this to our fans?"

"Hey, those guys have pointy ears," AJ said. " _Cool_."

 

 

The End

 

© [JCSA](mailto:jcsalbano@gmail.com) 2003


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